Dear Past,

I wasn’t one to beg, but for you I made every great excuse. You lifted my spirits when I was blue, then just became the reason why I see deeper shades of indigo. Left me on read at the bar with two drinks at hand, said you’d come just to cancel for someone to have basic conversations with. Wondered how frozen were your feet over someone you met at midnight through unsaved snap streaks.

Prayed at 11:11 for your kiss, left my birthday candles melt for a quick video call. Forgave every petite mistake with the white lies you whispered as the wine stained my favorite red dress. The hands that one caressed my cheek were down at my knees with no consent. Why did I drink too much that one night?

Missed call on my special day, listened to your voice-mail, «He doesn’t care.» played on repeat until the message had reached me. Woke up in her bed, did you have fun with her instead? Was her dress prettier than my pink ribbons and faith? Did she make you laugh with witty jokes? Oh, right that was my line she stole. Does she pass you a note whenever you stress your caffeine eyes? I was the one there making you tea every time.

Undoubtedly the fakest smile I have ever fabricated was meeting her on the porch at your party. Formality for a name I already recognized; been told the best stories of her and all of the actual eligible bachelors looking for a chance for the night. Why were you so concerned when I asked for her username? As if I wasted my time scrolling for what I already knew; though I admit it was fun and anxious waiting for that one slip and quick misstep that helped me believed, «Marie, you are not going crazy».

Sang the saddest melody regretting planning my party. Surrounded by my best friends and dearest Jerry, you always hated him above all. Should have fallen for my comic relief, instead I’ve become the one in your story. Is meeting the love of your life an excuse to break what might have been mine? She has the ring I once thought was saved for us.

Locked myself in the bathroom during the party; not a single person ever noticing the brand new mascare I bought to pretend everything is okay with me. How come it was my fault when I brought up the obvious? Maybe if I had been more ignorant I would have had a Grimm happy ending with you. Although delusional enough to prick my finger on spinning wheel to never wake up.

Then after two-years I woke up old enough to stop wasting my birthday candles on you. When this day finally came, I knew my wish had come true. Enjoying to be in my late-twenties without having to look from time to time to check if there was a message from you.

Yesterday, I even threw the most epic party where I danced with my friends. Drank the whole bottle of wine just for the hell of it. Never looked through the window just in-case Seth decided to come. I am in love with this new perspective of my town, and the best view is never waiting for someone to show around.